Mammoth Book of Great British Humour

A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python’s ‘Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .’ to Dan Antopolski’s ‘Hedgehogs. Why can’t they just share the hedge?’. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain’s finest comedians:I was delighted to learn that my friend’s schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci.I went on a girls’ night out recently. The invitation said ‘dress to kill’. I went as Rose West. Zoe LyonsFor a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair.My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee.Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it’s hardly ever for them? Harry Hill.Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code.You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote “I still love you, see last year’s card for full details.” Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day.I went to the doctor and he said, ‘You’ve got hypochondria.’ I said, ‘Not that as well!’Tim Vine.I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan.When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay.My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe.My dad’s dying wish was to have his family around him. I can’t help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr.Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves.A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly.Getting divorced isn’t like a bereavement at all, because if he’s died, I’d have had me mortgage paid, and I could’ve danced on his grave. Sarah Millican.My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he’s been out about 18 years now and he hasn’t re-offended. Ricky Gervais.If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones.Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell.We’ll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We’ve already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker.A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper]]>